"Are You Done?"

It's the question we've been fielding since the birth of our second child over 14 years ago. After all, we had a girl and a boy. "A girl for me, a boy for you. Thank goodness we're through!" And when we got married we certainly didn't plan on having enough children to field a baseball team!

But along the way, God showed us his truths. The first command God gave to man was to “Be fruitful and increase in number..." (Genesis 1:28) This command was never rescended.

Children are a blessing from Him. "Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." (Psalm 127:3). If God handed me the reward of a bag of money, I wouldn't turn that down. Why should I turn away the reward of precious babies if He blesses me with them? Especially when people I love are crying out to God for children but their arms remain empty?

So when Bryan and I felt convicted to let God plan our family, it was "all oars in." Kind of like marriage: for better or worse. The conviction wasn't removed when finances were a concern, when we were tired, when overwhelmed, when people start looking at us like we're nuts, when we started being asked if we were trying to keep us with the Duggars. (For the record, we had six children before we'd ever heard of the Duggars. And, no, we don't know them. There is no "large family cult" despite the desire of some members of the press to portray it otherwise.)

And the conviction hasn't been removed even though I'm a "mature" mama looking at a 9th c-section in a couple months. Going into every delivery, I asked my doctor to evaluate the health of my insides and whether it looked like it could handle another pregnancy.

Babies #3 through #6 were all delivered by a wonderful Christian who was also a father of 7. Every time he gave me a thumbs-up. After he retired, I had to find a new OB. I have no doubt that my new doctor would have recommended a tubal during delivery #7, but,  as God would have it, I was at a Catholic hospital where it was against their policy to do so.

I found a new doctor for Baby #8 and now #9. I love this wonderful Christian practice so much that I drive an hour for my appointments. After he delivered #8, he was amazed at how good the insides looked. We'll have to see what #9 holds.

I'm not looking to put my health in danger, but I refuse to let fear alone be the reason to turn from what we feel God has called us to. If it doesn't look like I could safely carry another baby, we will take the appropriate steps. But if everything looks good, let it be a testimony to the fact that nothing is impossible with God!

For the Children's Sake

I first read For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay about 10 years ago. I recently picked it up again and am really enjoying going through it.

Regardless of the educational decisions your family has made, this book outlines the environment in which a child can flourish. I love the descriptions of rich literature and the results of exposing children to great books. It is so easy to underestimate our children!

Try checking your local library for this classic to put renewed purpose in your parenting.

Working on that Peaceful Home, Part 2

Last week I shared my notes from the first half of the Malley sibling's workshop entitled Peace Treaties in the Living Room. Here's how they finished their session. You'll have to imaging the dark room, harp music, and emerging chalk painting for yourself.

They used the analogy of reaching the summit during a hike to describe how we need to equip ourselves for better family relationships.


• Stay focused on your goal of better conflict resolution and deeper relationships.

• Lay aside weights (sin, wrong priorities, schedules that are too full)

• Be prepared with food and water (be in the Word of God a lot – memorize Scripture)

• Encourage and strengthen each other. Pray for each other.

• Ask questions to encourage conversation

• Be interested in their interests

• Proverbs 18:21 - The tongue has the power of life and death


Know the dangers you will face along the way
• Beware of allowing other friendships that will come between siblings

• Pride, sin, selfishness


Do not rely on your own strength
• We need God’s help – he gives grace to the humble

• Work together – when you do something hard with someone, you become close with them

---

So there's their thoughts and suggestions. What do you do to encourage sibling harmony in your home?

Here's the new Stumpf mantra for that department (and this goes for mom too!):
Be enthusiastic and look for opportunities to praise one another's character.

Working on that Peaceful Home, Part 1

One of the conference sessions Emelie and I found very refreshing and challenging was listening to the Malley siblings of Tomorrow's Forefathers called Peace Treaties in the Living Room. It is the sequel to their book Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends, which I highly recommend! 


I will hardly be able to give their message justice, especially considering the beautiful harp music and amazing chalk drawing of the second half, but here's a summary of how to help improve sibling relationships:


We shouldn’t be looking for an irritation-free environment, because God has put us together in families to grow us. Our family can’t function without every member in it. Irritations prepare us for the future.

In dealing with conflict, respond correctly to irritations:
• Accept them as from the Lord
• Surrender our rights (our time or possessions) because everything belongs to God
• Learn to look past the irritation
• See the needs of the person causing the irritation
• View the irritation as a test from the Lord


Don’t disguise the problem
• Be sure that you're not being bothered by an outside problem and taking out on the sibling


Correct past offenses
• Make sure that you have confessed past sins to each other so as to not harm future relationships
Keep your conscience clear


Learn to show mercy
• Mathew 5:7 - Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
• Micah 6:8 - He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Develop creative strategies to resolve conflict


Overcome evil with good – do exactly the opposite of what we naturally want to do


To be continued...

Why do we homeschool?

Emelie and I just arrived today at the Midwest Homeschool Convention. We both have so many great friends that are joining us. It should be quite the weekend!

As I’ve done my research on curriculum and planned what to buy (my favorite thing), I was re-affirmed about the journey we are taking. It really all boils down to freedom:

We have the freedom to find curriculum that suits the learning styles of our children.

We have the freedom to sleep through the school bus driving by at 6:30 in the morning.

We have the freedom to take our vacations and field trips whenever we want to.

Our children have the freedom to develop deep and meaningful relationships with each other (case in point – Ted and Caleb are best friends. Would that happen to a 13 yo and a 9 yo that were out of the home all day?)

We have the freedom to boldly proclaim the sovereignty of God in everything we do and all we study.

Our children have the freedom to spend large amount of time exploring their passions and interests.

Our children have the freedom to learn at their own pace without regard to grade levels or labels.

Our children have the freedom to do what is right rather than what is cool without ridicule from their peers.

We have the freedom to do school in our jammies (awesome in the winter!).

The teacher has the freedom to kiss the principal at the end of the day!

My 500th Post

Hmmmm...this is a bit of a milestone. 500 times I've pressed that "publish post" button at the bottom of my screen. What started four years ago as a way to keep distant family up-to-date has enabled me to meet some wonderful people, share some of the things I love, and show that life with eight children can be a wonderful adventure!

Thanks for coming on this crazy journey with me. It will be interesting to see what the next 500 posts contain!

Our Monthly Food Costs

Every time I've gone to the grocery lately, I lament about how the cost of food has gone up. I pay close attention to the cost of things and can usually rattle off the changes in costs for a pound of butter or can of tomato sauce over the past five years (I'm really fun to have at parties!).

I started looking back to see how much we're spending on groceries because it feels like a TON. Our quantities go up every few months since we've got some boys that eat, and eat, and eat (13 pancakes each, 11 muffins each, and don't even get me started on pizza!).

Bryan breaks our shopping trips down into different categories (food, household, clothing, crafting, etc.) The man is VERY detail-oriented. The only thing that goes into our "Grocery" category on Quicken, are non-taxable food items.

For the Nov. 2010 - Jan. 2011 shopping period, we spent $1225.88 on groceries. We shopped for a nine-week period, so it works out to $593.48 per month ($136.21 per week) to feed the 10 of us. That's not as bad as I thought!

Just to make myself feel good, I moseyed over to the USDA Food Plans. According to the government, on a "Thrifty Plan," I should be spending $1,324.62 per month on food for our family.

Kind of calls into question their budgeting and bargain-hunting ability. No wonder those numbers about the cost to raise a child seem so far from my reality.

Our Next Big Thing

Over the past several months our family has been taking baby steps towards adoption. We've been fairly quiet about this decision (until now!) because we don't know what God has planned for the outcome. As I'm going through the mountains of paperwork that is involved, I felt convicted to "go public" even though the outcome is still not clear.

Why would we complicate our already hectic lives by welcoming additional children who may or may not come with issues we're not prepared for?

At the core is our sadness for the number of children that don't have a Mommy and Daddy to make sure they're safe and cared for. We want to give them that love.

Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Psalm 82:3

We feel passionately that the Lord didn't put the Stumpfs on this earth only for our own happiness. We are very happy, but that is not our goal or purpose for life.

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Isaiah 58

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’  Matthew 25

What's next? The aforementioned paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. A homestudy next week. And then approval, or not.

We are trusting that God knows the outcome of this journey. If it is His will for us to adopt, we pray that He will prepare the children for our family. If you think of us, will you send up a prayer for our family, too?

Be Careful Little Tongue What You Say...

Our weekly Bible Study has been reading through Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages for Children. It's an eye-opening read, that has made us try to be more purposeful in showing love to our children.

At least one of my older children's primary love language is "Words of Affirmation." Not always something I excel in. I can point out problems in a flash, but am rarely as quick to say positive things. My favorite humbling moment is when I'm barking at them for snapping at a sibling. No mixed message there!

I was most convicted when Dr. Chapman described how a child that feels love from positive words, feels the twice the pain from critical words. Ouch!

I am hereby resolving this week to speak to all my children with a soft voice, gentle words, and notice much more good than bad. Everyone, from the tall to the small, will receive "pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24 

The Myth of Adolescence

After Reading the book Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris (and encouraging my older children to read it too), I've worked to remove the word "teenager" from my vocabulary. After all, the word wasn't even around 100 years ago! The word conjures up a stereotype that I don't want anyone to think of when I'm referring to the "young adults" in my household.

Rather than the teen years being a tread-water, have-fun-until-I'm-old-enough-to-move-out time, the Harris brothers are convicting that the time can, and should, be spent in doing things that positively impact others. More like an internship in adulthood.

Interested? Read more here: the Rebelution blog.

Hey, Holly - Read This!

Last week when I was rambling on about my latest crafting obsession, my friend, Holly – mom to two, two-and-under, commented:

            Seriously, how do you have time for these things!?!?!? :cP Holly,




First off, congratulations on your precious new girl! We have her picture on our fridge and several times a day I hear “Ahhhh! Cute baby!”

You asked how I have time to do my little projects. The biggest reason is that I don’t have a newborn! I might have eight children, but not one of them needs to eat and be changed every two hours! (Although, some of my boys might enjoy meals that frequent!)

I usually don’t even attempt to do any extra projects until the baby is about four months old and sleeping on a regular schedule. Prior to that, consider the day successful if you make dinner and get the dishwasher unloaded! I have sewed while trying to nurse a baby. No one enjoyed that!

I’ve learned to craft in snatches of time. I keep current projects out in my kitchen so I don’t have to spend time hauling things out and setting up. It’s not tidy, but the satisfaction outweighs the mess.

I involve the children by giving them fabric scraps or scraps of scrapbooking paper. Older children will work on their own scrapbooks when they see me working on mine.

I keep my expectations of how much I’ll accomplish LOW. If I’m feeling like I need to be super-productive, my parenting skills definitely suffer.

Finally, at the risk of sounding cliché, enjoy this time! It does go by too quick! You are a wonderful mama and I look forward to watching your babies grow!

Blessings,


Lainie

Expectations vs. Goals

So often I let my children's behavior frustrate me when I really need to realize that the problem lies in my expectations. While there need to be goals to be reached, along the road to those goals I need to expect my children to act like children.

For example, our goal is for all eight children to sit quietly in church like the little angels they are. However, I need to expect the little ones to fidget, talk during prayers, and loudly point out their drawings. All the while Bryan and I work at training them in proper behavior. If I go into worship with the expectation that they won't be perfect, then I won't be stressed when they meet my expectations.

Goals are the big picture that we're always working toward. Along the way, when things are still a little messy, keep the expectations grounded in reality.

Please Pray

This came in an email tonight from our Pastor. Please send a prayer for comfort to those left behind.

From the Aquila Report:

Sudden and Powerful Storm Takes Lives of Two Bristol, Virginia Women, Members of St. Peter Presbyterian Church

Written by Don Clements
Friday, 04 December 2009 14:17

Two women, both members of St. Peter Presbyterian Church in Mendota, Va., were killed in an auto accident caused by a powerful storm this past Wednesday night, December 2.

The accident happened when a massive tree fell and crashed on a rural highway in southwest Virginia near the town of Mendota, located about a half-hour’s drive north of Bristol, Va. Stories like this happen many times a day throughout the U.S., but seldom do they have such a deep impact on one church.

The two women were driving in a Ford F-350 multi-passenger van along State Route 622. The Highway Patrol report indicates that 39-year-old Theresa Bullen and 44-year-old Deaun Brockmyre died instantly in the freak accident where a huge and sudden downdraft totally uprooted a large tree which came down directly on the van. Bullen was driving northbound when the tree, at least 70 feet tall and two feet in diameter, fell directly across the front of their van. Brockmyre was in the passenger seat. No one else was in the vehicle, and no other vehicles were involved. The ladies were returning home to Mendota from a shopping trip.

Mrs. Bullen leaves behind a husband and nine children; Mrs. Brockmyre a husband and eight children. Both ladies were members of St. Peter Presbyterian Church, a Confederation of Reformed and Evangelical Churches (CREC) congregation in Mendota, one of a couple of related churches in the area. The Reverend R. C. Sproul, Jr., Director of the nearby HighlandStudyCenter, serves as one of the pastors of the churches.

On Thursday, pastors and members of the church were already coming together to help both families cope with their loss. “We are committed to helping these families in any possible way we can and I know both of these families have been a part of our church for a long time and they are confident that they can count on us,“ said Pastor Sproul.

Obituary notices for Mrs. Brockmyre is below, but details for Mrs. Bullen, who will be buried next Tuesday, are still pending. More details will be posted as they are received - now expected by Sunday moring. (Please note that the Eric Dye shown as a brother to Mrs. Brockmyre is NOT the PCA minister by the same name.)

Deaun Ruth Dye Brockmyre: We mourn the loss of our treasured daughter, wife, mother and friend but give thanks in the assurance that our beloved, Deaun is rejoicing with her Lord and Savior. Deaun Ruth Dye Brockmyre, age 44, went to Heaven on Wednesday, Dec. 2, 2009, following an automobile accident. Deaun was loved by many for her sweet gentle spirit and generous heart. She was born in Richmond, Va., and had worked as a nurse and case manager at BristolRegionalMedicalCenter before devoting her time to raising and home schooling her children. She was a member of St. Peter Presbyterian Church and a shining example of faith and devotion. She is survived by her husband, Dr. Andrew Brockmyre, MD; five daughters, Heather Bailey and husband Ryan of Lexington, Va., Isabel, Bliss, Maeve and Ellianna Brockmyre; three sons, Calvin, Christopher and Benjamin Brockmyre; her parents, Dr. Daniel and Phyllis Compton Dye of Bristol Tennessee; one brother, Eric Daniel Dye and wife Mandy Mink Dye of Knoxville, Tenn.; and several nieces and nephews. The funeral service will be conducted at 2 p.m.Sunday, Dec. 6, 2009, at FirstBaptistChurch, BristolVirginia, with R.C. Sproul Jr., Laurence Windham, Wayne Hays and Mark Dewey officiating. The committal service and interment will be at 4 p.m. Sunday in RussellMemorialCemetery in Lebanon, Va. The family will receive friends from 6 8 p.m. Saturday at Akard Funeral Home. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to Samaritan's Purse, P.O. Box 3000, Boone, NC 28607. E-mail condolences may be sent to the family at akardfh@akardfuneralhome.com

Akard Funeral Home, 1912 W. State St., Bristol, TN (423) 989-4800, is serving the family of Mrs. Brockmyre.

Preparing for the Christmas Season

The following posts have blessed me greatly, so my tip for today is to go read them. (This is not a cop-out, just being efficient with my holiday time!)

Kendra at Preschoolers and Peace gives some wonderful ideas on how to have "An Incredible, yet frugal, Christmas Celebration." Be sure to read the comments for even more wonderful ideas!

Are you struggling with how, as a Christian, you should celebrate Christmas? Kendra also posted about "Honoring Christ and Celebrating Christmas." It was just what I needed to get me into the spirit. (Thanks, Sharon, for sending me there!)

Dust Bunnies in Your Day

Bryan and I just moved our bedroom around to accommodate some lovely, new-to-us bookcases from Jamers. We haven't rearranged our furniture in the four years we've lived in this home. Let's just say that the dust bunnies under our bed were impressive.

Our daily schedules and routines can be like that. We must be willing to be willing to move things around as our situations change or, instead of finding dust bunnies, we feel stressed.

If you notice the tension starting to build at the same point each day, step back and reevaluate. I find it helpful to go to Bryan with what's bothering me. His perspective is usually objective enough to see a new solution to the problem.

Next semester we're departing from our normal routine to do a semester study on Indiana State History. Our standard routine won't work with the curriculum layout. At this point I don't know what our day will look like, but I know it will need to be different! Stay tuned...

I'm Thankful For...

'Tis the season, right? We're supposed to reflect on all we are thankful for. I know I don't give thanks as much as I should, but last night reminded me to appreciate all of my blessings.

With another couple from our Bible Study, Bryan and I visited some dear friends whose 13-year-old, special-needs daughter is in the hospital. By the time she goes home (hopefully early next week!), she will have been in for over two weeks. This isn't a "normal" routine for their family, but they have had their seasons.

During their stays over the years, they've gotten to know other families going through trials with their children and babies that can only be described as a nightmare. What these parents wouldn't trade for one of my worst days including the tantrums, attitudes, stresses?!

So I will remember to always be thankful for my precious children. Wiping their noses is a joy because they can breathe on their own. Breaking up their arguments is a pleasure because they can express themselves. I will laughingly direct their boisterous behavior to the basement because they can run freely. And I will lift those hospital families up in prayer that are going through things that I can't even imagine.

Bring Joy to Your Man

One of the five speakers that blessed me at this past weekend's IAHE Mom's Retreat was Tess Worrell of Your Family Matters. Speaking on the topic of Bringing Joy to Our Husbands, she neatly articulated something that I've been wanting to mention here for months.

One of the ways that we can bring our husbands joy (and greatly improve our marriages in the process), is though affirming him. As Ephesians 5:33 states, the wife is to respect the husband. This counts more to them than love! I mentioned this to my husband, and his answer was "Of course!"

As Tess stated so concisely, we do this by "showing our husbands our preference and our deference." Our husbands need to see by our words and our behaviors that we prefer them over all others: girlfriends, our parents, our children, and especially our time in front of the computer (you can leave now if you have to)!

We also need to show them deference in believing that they are competent and trustworthy. When does the world ever show us a strong competent husband on a TV sitcom? It's usually the husband messing up and super-wife comes in and picks up the pieces. Even if we're afraid they're not going to do something "right" especially when it comes to the children, we need to back them up. Some of the things I cringed about the most, became treasured memories. (Like when Bryan took 7 children, by himself, hiking in the snow).

You can control 50% of the attitudes in the marriage, but that may make 100% of a difference.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

Training children can often be an overwhelming task. It is by far the hardest thing I've ever attempted and a job that refines my character every day. I often feel that I'm failing in many areas. I know that God had prepared me for this calling and daily gives me the strength and grace to get through. Sometimes that's a little tough to remember when you're in the trenches.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, let's see the glass as half-full. Keep a list of what you do in a day to serve and train your children. Dieters often write down every bite to have a realistic view of how much they're eating. It is encouraging to keep a tally (even if only mental) of how deep and broad the task of mothering.

Guess what? I bet you stop counting by breakfast because you'll realize just how much you're doing to make a difference in those beloved ones' lives!

Why my delete key doesn't work

I can clearly remember sitting at my first homeschool conference listening to the speakers as they would casually mention what the amazing things their older students were doing:

"He volunteered at a Christian radio station at 13, and
now at 17 he's a morning DJ."
"The boys taught themselves animation. They've made
several movies that have received a lot of attention."
"She wrote her first novel at 16."

I remember thinking, "Sign me up for whatever curriculum you use, but I'm sure your kids are just freaks with incredible IQs!"

I never thought that real homeschooled children (the kind that forget to do their chores, squabble with siblings, and can never find their spelling book) would do anything outstandingly noteworthy. The super children came from homes where everyone spoke Latin and discussed mathematical theorems around the dinner table.

Now that I am 10 years further down this journey, I might be beginning to "get it." One of the great beauties of homeschooling is the freedom for the children to begin to explore their passions.

Over the past couple weeks, Emelie has been sitting surrounded by encyclopedias and history books. All on her own, she has decided to look up the lineage of famous people we have studied (the Medici family, Catherine of Aragon, etc.). She has traced Elizabeth I back over 600 years. Sure, she could have researched this quickly on the web, but she wanted to figure it out for herself.

Teddy has decided that he wants to figure out how computer macros work. So far, a small Star Wars battle happens at the click of a button. Oh yeah, he also disabled the "delete" key in MS Word.

I'm writing all this to encourage those of you that are just beginning this journey of homeschooling. The most important decisions are not what curriculum to choose or which co-op to join. The greatest benefit to your children's education will be the freedom of time to explore, make mistakes, and ask questions.

And maybe they will be the ones to come up with the big answers.

Overheard

While spending some time in the mall this past weekend, we wandered into the Disney Store. Brigitta was thoroughly enjoying looking at everything princess. There was a young mother there with her 4ish-year-old daughter, and the little girl was picking out a toy.

She was indecisive and mom was trying to hurry her up. After she made her selection, they walked in front of me and I heard the mother say to her daughter. "We need to hurry since we fibbed to Daddy about where we were going."

Now I'm pretty sure that the pink princess purse and makeup set was not a surprise birthday gift for Dad. I was stunned thinking of all the possible repercussions that lying to the husband/father could have.

1. Mom lies to Dad. That's what married people do.
2. Little girl knows about the lie. Since Mom said it, lying is OK, little girl will definitely lie to her parents as she gets older. Very handy as a teenager.
3. There's a difference in the severity of untruthfulness and so long as no one gets hurt (or finds out). It's OK to tell "white lies."

I hope I'm completely off base on what I heard and that there's a very good explanation for it. It just seems to be another glimpse of the deterioration of the line between right and wrong in society.

You shall not give false testimony...Exodus 20:16

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22